After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
