You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
