Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
