I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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