why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
