Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
