I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
