last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
