dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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