i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
