i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
