This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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