Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
