I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
