No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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