we have pet lesbian snakes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
