glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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