Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
