i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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