Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
