So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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