either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
