i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
