and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We left the knife in your bed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
