considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
