I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
