Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
