I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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