I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
