the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
