i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
