chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
