Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
