I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
