Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
