some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
