i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
