I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
