I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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