she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
