Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
