I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
