Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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