Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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