dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
