So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
