we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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