They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
