Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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