this beer tastes like vomit already
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
