she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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