I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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