I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
