So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
