why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
